


Just Let Me Adore You

by allstars



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Car Racing, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, American Sign Language, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Artist Steve Rogers, Brain Damage, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes-centric, Car Accidents, Domestic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Love Confessions, M/M, Mute Bucky Barnes, Muteness, Protective Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 01:40:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21689377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allstars/pseuds/allstars
Summary: "You don't have to say you love me, you don't have to say nothing. You don't have to say you're mine, because I know you are," Steve whispers, pulling Bucky close, his grey blue eyes shining with love. They both smile."All you have to do is look at me and I'll know what you're thinking. And just let me adore you, because it's the only thing I'll ever do."-Bucky almost dies in a car accident and his life changes in a million ways. That includes never being able to speak again. That also includes Steve finally confessing his feelings for him.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 11
Kudos: 49





	1. Don't Leave

**Author's Note:**

  * For [royalstcve](https://archiveofourown.org/users/royalstcve/gifts).



> I can't write enough of these two, so here's my first multi chapter fanfic on ao3! 
> 
> The name is from Harry Styles' "Adore You" (and I used his lyrics on the story too; sorry not sorry!)
> 
> Backstory and more details of Bucky pre accident life will come eventually to the story in flashbacks.
> 
> Ps: I don't speak russian or romanian, and I trusted Google very blindly on the translations, of it there are any mistakes pleeease let me know!

Stucky's multilanguage affection dictionary for beginners:

[Romanian]

Iubi: baby, sweetheart

Dragă: honey

[Russian]

Miliy: dear/darling

Solnyshko: sunshine

Zolotse: my gold

Zvyozdochka: little star

Lapochka: sweetie pie

~*~*~

**_Can you meet me at The Cafe?_ **

Bucky's phone buzzes at his pocket and he quickly takes it to read the new message. It's from Steve.

B: **_ofc. be there in 30_ **

B: **_is there something wrong, stevie?_ **

Bucky starts to think about calling Steve, because he takes almost 5 minutes to answer, typing and erasing, typing and erasing while Bucky curiously watches the dots blinking and disappearing on the chat. He waits nervously, never looking away from his phone. Then it buzzes again.

S: **_Buck.. can we talk about it there?_ **

**_It's just like… fuck. It's a lot_ **

B: **_you know what? i'll pick you up at your place. u ready?_ **

S: **_Yeah. Tks Buck_ **

B: **_don't mention. i'll be at your door in 5_ **

S: **_Okay B_ **

Bucky leaves his house in a hurry, almost forgetting his jacket _and_ wallet, walking quickly heading to Steve's apartment which — thank god — is just a few blocks away from Bucky's and thinking about what could possibly have happened with his best friend. Bucky knows him well, even through text, and by the way he hesitated to talk he seems to be pretty upset. Bucky sighs in relief when he sees Steve's black door, taking the stairs two steps at time and knocks at the door.

"Stevie? I'm here."

No answer.

Bucky knocks three times again, louder this time, desperation growing on his chest.

"Steve? Please open up."

"Sorry, sorry," the door opens abruptly, revealing a Steve with puffy and red eyes, and a red nose too. He was definitely crying, Bucky thinks. "I was at the bathroom, didn't hear yo—"

His sentence is cutted by Bucky, who immediately hugs him so tight that he feels the tension radiating from Steve's body. Slowly, the blonde relaxes in his friend's arms, both holding each other tight. It takes a moment for Bucky to realize Steve is sobbing, quiet tears soaking his shirt.

Steve doesn't have to say a word while Bucky, still holding him — like hell he's letting him go — closes the door behind them and guides Steve to his own couch. They sit there, holding each other, Steve finally letting himself cry out loud and shaking in Bucky's arms, and they stay like that for what feels like hours to both of them. Steve doesn't stop crying while Bucky rubs his back and keeps whispering that whatever happened, it's gonna be okay. Steve shakes his head.

"It's not okay, Buck… I-It's not," he sobs.

Bucky just holds him tighter. "I'm so sorry, iubi."

"Tell me a good story," Steve whispers, still in his arms.

Bucky does. He tells Steve about a kid he met on training yesterday, called Peter, and how excited he was to see Bucky run on the racing circuit. "You'll love him. He's so talkative and excited about everything. He loves art besides racing. He wants to be a racer like me."

Steve slowly stops sobbing, finally looking at Bucky and smiling. "He seems like a good kid."

"He is. We got along pretty well. I told him about you, of course," Bucky replies smiling back, playing with Steve's blonde hair, "and he asked me to take you to meet him sometime."

"Can I go on your next practice?" His blue eyes shine in excitement and the pain in it starts slowly to fade away.

"Of course you can, Stevie. I'll take you," Bucky kisses Steve's forehead carefully. They sit there in a comfortable silence for a while, Steve nestled in Bucky's strong arms with eyes closed, more calm now. It's Bucky who breaks the silence, because he feels if he doesn't do it, Steve won't.

"I guess we aren't going to The Cafe, huh?"

Steve tenses up, looking at him again. "Yeah. I think I… prefer to stay here." He looks down again, like he can't meet Bucky's eyes to say another word.

"Steve, sweetheart, hey," He places a hand on Steve's. "Can you look at me? Please?"

Steve shakes his head no. "Please, don't make me talk about it. Please. I was going to, but…"

"Darling, I won't ever make you do something you don't wanna do. I just need you to look at me. Is that okay?" He squeezes Steve's hand. "Please?"

Steve sighs, finally looking in Bucky's eyes. The pain is there again, taking away the shine of it. 

"Look, dragă, whatever happened, whatever happens, I love you. You're talented, amazing, gorgeous and brilliant and nothing, _nothing,"_ he squeezes Steve's hand to empathize his words, "can change that."

Steve buries himself in Bucky's arms again. "I love you too, miliy," he whispers. "but it's kinda hard to believe in those words. I feel so stupid…"

"Did I ever lie to you?"

"No?" It comes more like a question.

"No, never, that's right. So it must be hard to believe that now, Steve, but I'm here to _always_ remind you." He feels Steve shift in his arms, looking up again. "You're my star, solnyshko."

* * *

It takes a while for Steve to talk about what happened. He tries several times, but ends up getting anxious and starts sweating and shaking. Bucky pretends he doesn't sees it, just holds him and waits, telling him to take his time, he doesn't have to do it now. Steve feels like crying because all he wants is to just let it out.

"There's this guy," Steve finally says at some point, "he's uh, from my work." 

He gets out of Bucky's embrace to sit properly and look in Bucky's eyes, but instead, he stares at his hands.

"He was… giving me signs, y'know? He always bought me coffee in the morning, asked my opinion in every paper. He told me once I was the prettiest guy he ever met. And God… it felt good. Made me feel wanted. I started to like him. Sorry I never told you about it. Anyway, weeks passed and we kept flirting, at least I thought we were, until I gathered up some courage to ask him out."

Bucky watches as Steve's hands turn into fists.

"And he freaked out. Literally. He yelled at me, the whole fucking office heard it. God, he… he called me a f—" Steve sighs. "The f word. He broke a few things in my office, then just marched out yelling he was 'fucking straight, so get off me you weirdo'," Steve lifted up four fingers to sign quotation marks, tears filling his eyes again. "And you know what's worse, Bucky? I got _suspended._ Fucking suspended. For 'assaulting' a colleague. Can you believe that?" Steve starts crying again. "I fucking hate this job. And I hate that guy for playing with my feelings and I hate myself—"

"Oh, zolotse," Bucky whispers, opening his arms so Steve can crawl in again, and he does, breaking the distance between them. "That's awful. Really. That's fucking disgusting but none of it is your fault. I hope you know that. And these, these…. assholes, fuck them okay? I'm proud of who you are and you deserve someone who treats you well and tells you every day how gorgeous, talented and lovely you are. Be proud, Stevie. Be proud and tell them to go fuck themselves for making you doubt yourself and neither this guy or that shitty company deserve you and—"

"Bucky," Steve takes his hand. "You're rambling," he says, grinning. 

"No, I'm not. I'm telling you what you should hear."

"And I'm grateful for that," Steve kisses his cheek. "And you know what? Fuck them, because I have you." He says, standing up and wiping away his tears.

"That's my boy," Bucky smiles, proud. "I'll never leave your side, Steve."

"'Till the end of the line, zolotse," Steve says, offering his hand.

"'Till the end of the line, zvyozdochka," Bucky replies, taking his hand, standing up.

They look at each other, knowing what's next.

Coffee is the best remedy, so they end up going to The Cafe. Bucky never lets go of Steve's hands. Steve doesn't stop smiling, forever grateful for having Bucky in his life.

* * *

"Țin la tine, lele [ _I care about you, sweetheart_ ]," Bucky kisses his forehead, putting his right arm around Steve. "I just want to see you happy. And if that means quitting your shitty job, so be it. I'll be here to help and support you, and we can figure something out. Have you ever thought about being a teacher? You know so many languages. Or maybe you could start selling your art—"

"You know damn well how I feel about my art, Buck," Steve puts his hand on Bucky's, still hanging on his shoulder. "I'm insecure about it. Putting it out there would be terrifying."

"What's life if we don't take a few risks, lapochka?" He smiles. "Besides, you know you're my favorite artist, if it makes you feel a little better."

"You're totally being biased," Steve laughs. "But yeah, it makes me feel better. Thanks, Buck. I'll… Think about it?"

"You better. So, uh, the usual?" Bucky says as he sees the waitress coming at their table. Steve nods. "Good night!" He greets the woman before she can say anything.

"Good night! What can I do for you?" She smiles, with paper and pen in hands. That lady must be new there, because Bucky never saw her. He comes to The Cafe a lot.

"Two coffees, black, with sugar please. And!" He lifts his index finger to empathize. "Two slices of that Red Velvet pie right there, because it looks absolutely delicious."

"Coming right up!" The redhead smiles and leaves.

"So… besides Peter, _and I want to meet him,_ how was practice yesterday?" Steve asks, turning to Bucky, who's sitting right next to him.

"It was okay. I broke my own record! The last curve is a little rough to do, but I think I got the hang of it. Tony says I'm going to be big one day, maybe even run for Ferrari," Bucky replies, smiling, clearly proud of himself. "Can you imagine that, Stevie? Me, running for Ferrari!"

"Bucky, if there's a thing I'm sure in this world, that thing is that you will be a great damn racer one day, like your father was. And you're gonna win Le Mans. You're gonna be so big, and I'll be there to cherish you all the way."

"What did I ever do to deserve a sweet thing like you?" Bucky smiles. "Thank you, Stevie. I hope you're right."

"You know I am, solnyshko. When's the next practice?"

"In 2 days. Pack your things."

"I will. Looking forward to it."

Just in time, the waitress — her name is Natasha, they find out — arrives with their request and the same tender smile on her face. She carefully puts the mugs and the plates on the table.

Bucky takes a sip of the coffee while Steve thanks the waitress.

"Moy bog [ _my god_ ]! The coffee is exceptionally delicious today. Thank you, Natasha."

She smiles down at him. "Pozhaluysta [ _you're welcome_ ]."

"No way! You're russian too?" Bucky asks wide eyed, smiling. Steve just observes them, grateful for speaking russian fluently.

"Born and raised," she replies, putting her hands on her waist.

"That's amazing," Steve says. "You got no accent?"

"I just hide it pretty well," Natasha says in a rustic russian accent, smiling. Steve's chin drops.

"Wow."

"My dad was russian and my mom romanian," Bucky says, unpressed, unlike Steve. "I was born here, but now and then I find myself saying things in their native languages. It's a habit I can't get rid of," he laughs.

"I struggle with the same thing. But mostly, I just _love_ cursing in russian. Most people don't even know what I'm saying," she laughs.

"Be careful around me then. Oh, and with him," Bucky points to Steve. "Because my best friend happens to be a polyglot. I'm Bucky, by the way. He's Steve." 

They all shake hands.

"Bucky… Is that your real name?" Natasha asks.

"No, my name is James, but I'm so used to that nickname that… Yeah."

"James is a pretty name," she says. 

"Natasha! There's clients waiting!" A old man, probably her boss, yells from the kitchen. 

_"Mudak,"_ she curses. "Coming, boss!" She yells back. "I have to go. You guys have a good lunch!"

"Thanks, Natasha," Steve and Bucky say at the same time. 

"You guys can call me Nat," she blinks, then disappears in the sea of tables and clients waiting.

* * *

"I'm just saying," Bucky stops walking and turns to face Steve. "Maybe you can make an art gallery. Buy a place, start small, sell your things and help new artists too. And speaking of new artists," he looks at something — someone — behind Steve's back, "there's Peter."

Bucky waves excitedly to the boy's direction, making Steve turn around to look at him too.

"That's Steve?" Peter yells, and Bucky nods at him. "Oh god!"

The kid literally runs to where they are. Bucky smiles at him like a proud dad, and of course Steve smiles too, his heart warm with the whole situation.

"Steve, sir, it's nice to meet you! Bucky told me so much about you!" Peter shakes Steve's hand nervously. "And he told me about your art as well, I hope I can see some one day. I love drawing!" 

"Please, Peter, don't call me sir," Steve laughs. 

Peter lets out a _he knows my name?_ to Bucky, and it only makes Steve smile more. "And of course, I can bring something to you. So I heard you like drawing? Maybe you can bring me something."

"It's not as good as yours, and believe me, Bucky showed me pictures, but I… Yeah, I can show you something?" He picks his phone, scrolling through his camera roll. "Uh, here. I made this one last night, after I met Bucky. It's not that great, but…"

"Are you kidding me? Kid, that's amazing. Buck, have you seen that?" Steve asks, showing him the drawing on Peter's phone. It's incredibly realistic and colorful, showing Bucky in his car with his helmet on, probably right before his practical run.

"Peter, this is amazing! Why haven't you showed me?" Bucky asks, finally hugging him.

"I wanted to show you in person. Actually, this one is yours, I'm sure I got it here somewhere, I was supposed to give it to you today—" Peter rambles, looking at every pocket in his backpack. To his disappointment, it's not there.

"Don't worry, we'll have plenty other meetings so you can give it to me," Bucky says. "So… ready to see some action, guys?"

Peter woos in excitement and Steve claps his hands. "Yeah!"

"Tony, everything set?" Bucky asks, after excusing himself from Steve and Peter to get ready. He hugs Tony tightly and the smaller man grins at him.

"As always, Buckaroo," Tony replies, after taking a good look at the car again. "You ready, boss?"

"You know damn well _you_ are the boss. And yes, I am," Bucky smiles, taking his helmet. He looks down at his uniform, taking a deep breath. 

"Be safe, Bucky," Tony says, patting Bucky's back and going back to his place next to the other people of the team.

"You know I am!" Bucky screams. "Oh, one more thing! Steve, come here please?" He calls for Steve, who's chatting with Peter not very far from him.

Steve nods, walking to Bucky. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Just wanted you to think more about what we were talking about, alright? The art gallery? It's a good idea, Steve, I feel it."

"I'll think about it, Buck," Steve says, still uncertain.

Bucky makes a sign with his head to Steve to follow him, and they walk to his car. Bucky puts his helmet on. "Just know I'm proud of you and support every decision you make. I love you, Steve."

Even through the helmet, Steve can see the determination in Bucky's eyes, the love and admiration he has for Steve. It makes him feel grateful again.

"I love you too, Bucky. Thank you for everything," Steve replies and Bucky nods, entering his car and closing the door.

Steve steps away, waves to Bucky and goes to Peter's side, sitting down.

In his car, Bucky takes a deep breath and waits for Tony's sign. As soon as he does, he starts the car, hearing the pleasing sound of the motor running, and goes to the finish line, waiting for the flag to be waived so he can finally start running.

After that, and the world becomes a beautiful blurry in his eyes as he speeds up, nothing but the sound of the motor in his ears.

* * *

It's somewhere around the sixty lap. Bucky's about to do the curve he told Steve about — the tricky one — and when he hits the break… It doesn't work.

He tries one, two, three times and the curve is just ahead of him, panic pulsing through his veins with his very blood and in that moment right there, he thinks about dying. Everything slowly fades, and he pictures everything that could've been, everything he could've been and won't, because he's about to die ironically doing something he loves so much, and Steve, Steve is there and he will watch him die, Steve won't ever heal because Bucky knows that stubborn ass too damn well and for God's sake, he won't. _Dear God, don't take me away just yet, let me live the life I want and let me see Steve succeed, dear God let me live so I can grow old with him by my side because you know how much I care about this man. Ave Maria, let me be safe, and I know I love him in a way I shouldn't but don't tear us apart, I'm begging._

He prays in every language he knows, to every god he can think about. _Let me be safe. Don't take me away from him. I haven't told him how I feel._ It all takes a few seconds.

Bucky only stops praying when he hits something on his left side. Then, everything goes black and the last thing he hears is a painful scream.

Steve, calling for him.

He doesn't answer, because his body succumbs to darkness and pain.

* * *

 _A dark sea. Bucky looks around only to find darkness, but he feels the cold water make his skin shiver and he moves his arms to fight, to swim, but he keeps drowning, keeps sinking deeper and deeper in the dark while a dozen of voices call for him, and they don't stop. He tries to say he's here, tries calling for help but his mouth doesn't make a sound. If only he could find the surface, but where to begin? He can't see, he can't talk. He can only hear desperate voices calling from him, and above all, a voice he can never forget,_ his _voice, his sweet voice covered in pain._

_He calls for Bucky. He's calling and all Bucky wants is reply. Instead, he keeps drowning in the dark hearing the sobs._

**_Bucky! Oh my God, no, no…. Someone please call an ambulance!_ **

**_Bucky, stay with me, please, please…_ **

_There's no cold for a moment. Warm arms around him, holding him close, shaking, and Bucky tries to hold on to it but the feeling fades as quickly as it started._

**_Bucky don't leave me, baby, please, don't…_ **

_He tries screaming again and fails. He tries to swim but his left arm somehow stops working, then his left leg, and soon his whole body stops working._

_He stops fighting._

_The dark sea swallows him._


	2. Sinner's prayer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is entirely on Steve's POV.

"So, Bucky told me you want to be a racer like him," Steve says, looking at Peter. "You know that's a very dangerous job, don't you? I get worried sick for him, and he didn't even raced in a real competition yet," he laughs.

"I know, sir. I… Well, I wanna do so many things, you know? I dream of being a racer and I dream of being an artist. I guess being a racer is much more easier than putting my art out there," Peter smiles shyly, and Steve gets his feeling too well.

"You can be whatever you want, Peter. Don't be a fool like me — I spent years and years working on my art and when it comes to put it out there, I freeze. I just can't. So I got a shitty job to pay the bills, and well… Look where it got me."

"Did something happen? I mean, you don't—" Peter sighs, clearly stopping himself. "You don't have to tell me, we just met and I'm stupid for talking this much—"

"Hey, hey. None of that, kid," Steve puts a hand on his shoulder. "Who said that? You're smart and charismatic, nothing less than that."

Peter looks away, watching Bucky quickly pass in front of then in the circuit. "Uh, my… Colleagues? Don't know if I can call them that, but they say I talk too much and always stick my nose where I don't belong," he smiles sadly, clearly upset. "I… know I talk too much, I really try not to, but I guess it's a copying mechanism for being alone all the time."

"I'm gonna need you to make me a promise, Peter," Steve looks at the circuit again, seeing Bucky racing at distance, then puts his pinky finger up. "You won't ever listen to what those bastards say about you. You'll always be yourself and be the bright kid I know you are," he smiles. 

Peter looks at Steve with watery eyes and nods, selling their pinky promise silently. 

"You have a good heart, Steve. Just like Bucky," Peter says.

"You're no less. We'll help you in what we can, and that's a promise I'm making for you."

They watch Bucky pass in front of them again, completing another lap.

"He's so good," Peter says, never looking away from where Bucky is, following him with impressed eyes. 

"He's amazing," it's all Steve says, because there aren't words to say how incredible he is. In every way.

"When he'll be able to compete?" Peter asks. "I didn't ask him yesterday."

"In a year, maybe. He's been working very hard for a few years, and he keeps getting better, so who knows? I think he's so close. All I want is to see him win these competitions he keeps talking about," Steve smiles. "He deserves it so much."

"I feel like I know you guys for years," Peter says, laughing. "It's so strange."

"Me too, kid. I guess it was fate," Steve says. 

Peter smiles, noding. "Can we get closer to see him?"

"I think we can. Tony!" Steve screams, waving to the small brunette man sitting a few meters from them. Tony turns to them, lifting his eyebrows and asking _what?_ **"** Can we sit with you?"

"Of course, Cap! Get your two asses over here!" Tony smiles, standing up to wait for them. 

Everyone here has nicknames. Tony is the Iron Man, because he's the brilliant mechanic. Steve is Captain America, and this one came right after Tony discovered that he was born on 4th of July, that damn day. Bucky is The Winter Soldier, because he deals pretty well with wet roads and, uh, really looks like a soldier, with his strong body perfectly shaped. Peter, the new orphan kid that was always around needed one too, and Tony quickly realized that.

"Hey kiddo," Tony says as soon as they join him. He looks at Peter's shirt with a spider in the center of it. "What's the story behind this shirt?"

"This? Oh, I-" he looks down at his own shirt. "I made this drawing in my art class. It was a competition, the best drawing would become a print and they would make shirts of it. I saw a spider on my table and well… Drew it. Ended up winning the thing," he laughs.

"Cool. I like it. Gonna call you Spidey, because you need a nickname and that fits perfectly," he taps Peter's back. "Fits you."

"Amazing," Peter whispers. "I love it Mr. Stark! Thanks!" 

"Hey, no problem! You're kinda part of the team now, right?" He hugs Peter, and the kid smiles so wide it makes Steve smile too.

"Right," he says.

They all sit down to watch Bucky, who just completed another lap and was slowing down, heading in their direction. Tony quickly stands up, calling for the rest of the team - _guys, he's coming!_ \- and everyone gathers around to wait for his car. It's pit stop time.

Bucky parks his car, and while everyone do their job, checking on the car, he asks for a bottle of water. While he drinks the full bottle content, Tony asks him if everything is okay with the car. 

"Yeah, Tony, it's fine. Let me finish these last laps and I'll be back to discuss with you about this car," he gives the empty bottle to Tony, thanking him. "See you guys in a minute," he says, hopping in the car again. 

"Hey, Steve! You okay?"

"Better than ever, Buck. You're doing amazing out there."

"Thanks, Stevie. Te iubesc," it's the last thing he says before speeding up again, back to the road. 

"Te iubesc!" Steve shouts back, smiling.

Steve turns around only to find Tony with lifted eyebrows and a grin on his face. "You guys should _marry_ each other," he says.

"Stop, Tony! It's not like that!" Steve blushes, looking at the road again.

"It's _totally_ like that, Cap. Trust me," Tony blinks at Peter, who's smiling from his spot, clearly knowing what's going on. "You're just too blind to see."

"You're a jerk," Steve sits down, hiding his face on his hands. "Stop."

"Look, he told me what happened in your work. He was so angry, Steve, I swear I thought he was about to go to your work and beat the shit out of everyone who made you feel uncomfortable. I'm just saying, these… Love demonstrations? Pet russian and romanian names, _te iubesc,_ it's just with you. And that says something," Tony finishes, shrugging. "You should know better."

"It's not that easy, Tony, I'm afraid I'll just… Ruin our friendship… If I say anything," Steve looks down. "I love him. I can't lose him."

"You won't. Trust me, you won't, Cap."

* * *

The three of them are chatting when someone screams " _guys, there's something wrong_!" and everyone turns his eyes to the road just in time to see Bucky waving his right hand on the air and crash his car in a wall, in the curve he told Steve about.

It feels like a nightmare.

The world slows down while Steve stands up and runs to where Bucky is, not far from where he was sitting, and he screams, screams and screams for Bucky, tears running down his face and when he gets there, _Oh my God._

The left side of the car is destroyed, completely shattered, revealing Bucky's body covered in blood, his white uniform now covered in red, his helmet crushed against the steering wheel, and he calls, he calls for Bucky and begs him to stay awake but he isn't.

"Bucky! Oh my God, someone please call an ambulance!" Is the last thing he says before falling on his knees on Bucky's side, trembling hands reaching to touch his friend, his love, and his heart breaks in a million pieces. He prays, he begs for him to stay alive and at this point he doesn't even know what he's saying out loud and what he isn't, between his loud sobs, and he feels Tony's arms holding him and saying something he can't understand because _Bucky, please, don't leave me,_ is all he can think about.

Then there's red lights and they carefully take Bucky out of the car, there's paramedics and people asking if he wants to go with him and for a miracle, he nods. It's Tony, of course, who carries Steve to the ambulance, sitting him down and kissing his temple.

"Steve, he's going to be fine, stay strong for him," is all Tong says, but Steve doesn't believe him, because his eyes are red and in panic when he says that.

The door closes and Steve watches as a bunch of strangers try to keep Bucky awake. Steve wants to scream to them to be gentle with him, he's bleeding, he's hurt, _be gentle with him,_ but he can't say a word. The world around him slows down even more and he closes his eyes, saying one more prayer.

_Heavenly Father, have mercy on him, have mercy on me, and I know I am a sinner, I love him too much and I'm selfish, but please don't take him from me. I can't live without him, please keep him safe._

When they finally get their dirty hands of Bucky, Steve leans to him, his shaking hand caressing Bucky's head barely touching him. "Te iubesc, my love. Don't leave me here. Don't leave me, please," he whispers.

Steve's pretty sure he's allucinating when he feels Bucky's left thumb slowly caress his hand. Then Bucky sighs, like he's trying to say something but can't, and his whole body shakes, he gasps for air one more time, eyes still closed.

"Shhhhh.... t...hhh," Bucky gasps, his lips shaking and his whole body shaking now, he's convusioning, dear God, and the paramedics push Steve to his seat again while they try to save him.

"Hhhhhhhhhhh," Bucky garbles like he's trying to scream and fuck it, Steve takes his hand and cries even more, kissing every finger, letting his tears run down.

"Buck, baby, I know, I'm here... Shhhh... I'm here, my love. You're so strong, keep breathing for me, please," he kisses Bucky's hand one more time and that seems to calm him down, along with the job of the paramedics (Steve has no idea of what they're doing, his focus remains on Bucky trying desperately to keep breathing right in front of him. It's the most painful scene he's ever witnessed).

"Sssss..." Bucky tries one more time.

"I'm here, iubi. I'm always here."

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and feedback are really appreciated! Please let me know what you think.


End file.
